Sunday, May 07, 2006



I moved out from my house to a tiny camper parked behind work last weekend while my family was on the east coast, celebrating KC's 16th birthday. The reasons why I moved out are not really pertinent to this blog; of course I feel I have very good reasons for moving out - doesn't everyone that moves out from their loved ones? If for no other reason than to preserve their own sanity?

Anyways, back to this blog. I thought about deleting this blog and maybe starting another one someday. I also thought about going through and deleting posts that referred to the family that I left behind and my love for them and I've decided that is dishonest. I don't want to revise history - just because things didn't work out with Kerri does not mean KC and Lydia are no longer part of me - they are my daughters. So the blog stays, all of it, and we all move forward. This path to the apex truly did start on that un-named beach in Hawaii 13 months ago, and present circumstances do not change that reality.

So, the blog lives! I began blogging for an outlet last August, to help with the loneliness of being married to a night shift nurse. Now, I am truly alone, but in many ways less lonely. I hope my little handful of loyal readers will forgive me for being gone, and bear with me as I try to find my voice again.

Often, a voice lost comes back even stronger. No matter what happens in life, never live with regrets. Each day, each moment is there to teach, strenghen, and open another doorway.

Having lived through 20 years of being more lonely married than since I have been single, I realize, each person that touches our lives will always be there. Why not have them there with love, memories, and cherished moments.

Life is about choices which help us grow. I have always looked up to you and the huge heart you have. I am glad you perserved it. That heart still has a lot to give. Start filling it with my love.

Love ya
What a great thing to say Brenda. Steve is very lucky to have a great sister like you to help advise and listen to him. He does have a huge heart and my hope through all this saddness and pain (from a night shift nurse, going to days in a month) is that he will keep all the good memories close to his heart to remember that 13 months ago on that unnamed beach in Hawaii that a girl gave her heart and love to a man that was very much loved. I do not regret loving him ever and wish that things would not have ended this way.
As for Trevor and Zack and Megan.. I love you guys. You are such a part of the girls and my life and I hope that you stay in touch with us all.
I will always love you Steve. My wish is that you will be happy in whatever life has in store for you. And to your loyal readers- aka family- I love you guys. I am sorry that things ended up this way. I am sure that in time Steve will share our demise. He is your son, brother and dad-just love him and know that this was a hard decision. I love you all and remember the good memories. I am truly not a bad person.
Love your night shift nurse
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