Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Happy Belated Halloween!
These are pictures of Aubrey Elizabeth on Halloween night in the onesie her Aunt Brenda sent. In the middle picture you can definitely tell that the whole parent thing has aged Trevor quite a bit - must be going to classes during the day and watching Aubrey nights while Megan is working - he looks pretty bad for 21 years old! Aubrey is looking enormous compared to when I saw her in September! I remember being a bit apprehensive about meeting Aubrey for the first time since I had not been around any babies since . . . well, since her Dad was a baby! I lay on the floor in Trevor apartment and really got a good look at her and I was hooked from then on! I still can't believe I'm a grandfather though - I'm still a kid myself!
Trevor and Megan, you are fantastic parents and Aubrey is going to have a great life! I'm proud of you both, now and always.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Still (Too) Safe In Maine
I can't believe it has been over 50 days since I last posted here. It wasn't an intentional lapse, it's just that this is a declaratory format for me, not an exploratory one, and I had nothing to declare. Let's see, what have I been up to since I last posted . . . I have moved, gotten divorced, and started a new job - pretty much the trifecta of stress for an adult male in America. I guess I should be thankful I have weathered things so well, all things considered.
The move . . . . I am not living where I thought I would be, and I am still not at peace with that decision. I feel there is more for me to help with in Idaho but I also feel there are some very big things to be accomplished here in Maine, some of which are not clear. I have had to make a sometimes painful transition from a fearless adventurer who can do anything to a son and baby brother who needs protecting and pretty much screws up everything. And yet, my abilities dreams and passions are like banked coals, protected from a (probably imaginary) storm of criticism and doubt by a thick layer of insulating ash. In the quiet of the early mornings I scrape back the ash and make sure things are still hot underneath and I am terrified of the day I discover my fire is out.
The divorce . . . . very painful for me but necessary. There really isn't anything else to say. I think of the girls daily and wish things were different. I hope their Mom is happy and has found someone she likes more and can truly love with all her heart. KC and Lydia, I love you always and am here as a Dad if you ever want me. My cell number and email are the same. I hope to see you at Trevor's wedding.
The new job . . . . I took the most challenging one of the offers and it requires all of my abilities when I am there. I am learning quickly and the pay and benefits package is decent for the area. I work nights right now (the irony!) and have been very protective of my time and schedule so I can have as normal a life as possible. I have many small pleasures . . . time with my Dad and brother, an extended riding season (I'm riding to work tonight, November 10th!), time to read and reflect. I watched, dismayed, as some dreams dissolved before my eyes and I've carefully built new ones to take their place.
I am for now, (too) safe. After 13 weeks of vacation, I began work on Halloween night. I had nothing to do with my first paycheck but place it in savings, I stay in a spare bedroom that is almost as big as the first floor of my log cabin in Alaska, I know nothing of deprivation. I belong here though - I pulled in to a rest area a couple days ago and it no longer felt like home, the wanderer has settled. I know why I am here, to learn humility. I have mastered a lot of other tough lessons in life, and I'll apply myself to learning this newest challenge on the road to the apex. I certainly have some help learning this one . . . .
So, I'm back posting! Cheers everyone, I'll get the pictures posted from the Idaho to Maine portion of the trip soon. It's interesting, I tried posting yesterday and the post was lost due to problems with the Blogger site . . . today's post is nothing like yesterdays, so strange . . . .
The move . . . . I am not living where I thought I would be, and I am still not at peace with that decision. I feel there is more for me to help with in Idaho but I also feel there are some very big things to be accomplished here in Maine, some of which are not clear. I have had to make a sometimes painful transition from a fearless adventurer who can do anything to a son and baby brother who needs protecting and pretty much screws up everything. And yet, my abilities dreams and passions are like banked coals, protected from a (probably imaginary) storm of criticism and doubt by a thick layer of insulating ash. In the quiet of the early mornings I scrape back the ash and make sure things are still hot underneath and I am terrified of the day I discover my fire is out.
The divorce . . . . very painful for me but necessary. There really isn't anything else to say. I think of the girls daily and wish things were different. I hope their Mom is happy and has found someone she likes more and can truly love with all her heart. KC and Lydia, I love you always and am here as a Dad if you ever want me. My cell number and email are the same. I hope to see you at Trevor's wedding.
The new job . . . . I took the most challenging one of the offers and it requires all of my abilities when I am there. I am learning quickly and the pay and benefits package is decent for the area. I work nights right now (the irony!) and have been very protective of my time and schedule so I can have as normal a life as possible. I have many small pleasures . . . time with my Dad and brother, an extended riding season (I'm riding to work tonight, November 10th!), time to read and reflect. I watched, dismayed, as some dreams dissolved before my eyes and I've carefully built new ones to take their place.
I am for now, (too) safe. After 13 weeks of vacation, I began work on Halloween night. I had nothing to do with my first paycheck but place it in savings, I stay in a spare bedroom that is almost as big as the first floor of my log cabin in Alaska, I know nothing of deprivation. I belong here though - I pulled in to a rest area a couple days ago and it no longer felt like home, the wanderer has settled. I know why I am here, to learn humility. I have mastered a lot of other tough lessons in life, and I'll apply myself to learning this newest challenge on the road to the apex. I certainly have some help learning this one . . . .
So, I'm back posting! Cheers everyone, I'll get the pictures posted from the Idaho to Maine portion of the trip soon. It's interesting, I tried posting yesterday and the post was lost due to problems with the Blogger site . . . today's post is nothing like yesterdays, so strange . . . .
